By Sabahat Ali

In today’s fast-paced, emotionally strained world, behavioral challenges within families are becoming increasingly visible. One such heartbreaking issue is when adult children become aggressive or even physically abusive toward their mother. To understand the roots of such behavior, psychologists often refer to Social Cognitive Theory — a framework introduced by Albert Bandura, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century.

What Is Social Cognitive Theory?

Social Cognitive Theory (SCT) explains how people learn behaviors by observing others, especially in social environments. It emphasizes the importance of observational learning, imitation, and modeling. According to Bandura, our behavior is shaped not just by personal experiences but by what we see happening around us, particularly during childhood.

In other words, a child growing up in a household where anger, shouting, or even violence is normalized may later replicate these behaviors in adulthood, especially under emotional pressure. This is called vicarious learning — when individuals learn by watching others’ actions and the consequences of those actions.

Example: Adults Becoming Aggressive Toward Their Mother

Let’s consider a real-world example: An adult daughter or son becomes hyper-aggressive, even violent, towards their elderly mother. This outburst may seem sudden or irrational, but often it stems from a deeper psychological pattern one that was modeled during their formative years. Perhaps they witnessed a father shouting at or disrespecting their mother. Maybe unresolved trauma, poor emotional regulation, or a household without healthy communication patterns created a breeding ground for future aggression.

According to Dr. Leonard Eron (University of Illinois), “children who witness parental aggression are more likely to become aggressive adults themselves.” This supports Bandura’s concept of modeling — we become what we see.

Psychological Triggers Behind This Behavior

Some common psychological triggers include:

Repressed anger or childhood resentment

Lack of coping mechanisms for handling stress, disappointment, or guilt

Mental health disorders, such as PTSD, anxiety, or undiagnosed mood disorders

Substance abuse, which reduces self-control and increases impulsivity

Lack of empathy, often stemming from emotional neglect

In such moments, the adult may become overwhelmed, “hyper and wild,” unable to regulate their emotions. The outburst may not be about the mother herself but the projection of long-suppressed emotional wounds.

Remedies and Interventions

Healing and change are always possible — but they require effort, self-awareness, and support. Below are some suggested remedies:

1. Therapy and Counseling

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) helps individuals understand and rewire negative thought patterns.

Family Therapy can help rebuild trust and improve communication between family members.

2. Modeling Healthy Behavior

Role models within the family or community should demonstrate emotional control, respectful dialogue, and constructive problem-solving.

Schools, religious centers, and media should promote empathy, patience, and kindness.

3. Conflict Resolution Skills

Adults need training in managing anger, active listening, and setting boundaries without aggression.

4. Spiritual and Moral Reflection

Many people benefit from returning to faith-based values, which emphasize respect for parents. Islam, Christianity, and most religions deeply condemn disrespect or harm towards one’s mother.

> “Your mother, your mother, your mother — and then your father.”
— Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, emphasizing the reverence due to mothers.

5. Accountability and Legal Action (if needed)

In extreme cases, abuse must be reported. Protection for elderly parents is a legal and moral obligation in many countries, including Pakistan.

Behavior is not random — it’s learned, shaped, and reinforced over time. By understanding the roots of aggression through Social Cognitive Theory, we can begin to unlearn toxicity and relearn compassion. Healing starts when individuals take responsibility for their behavior and commit to change.

No mother deserves harm from the very children she nurtured. Let us break this cycle of inherited aggression and foster homes filled with respect, peace, and emotional safety.

Dr M Ali Hamza

Mr. Chandra Warsenanto Sukotjo, Indonesia’s newly appointed Ambassador to Pakistan, began his diplomatic tenure by facilitating high-level meetings between officials of the two brotherly nations; a commendable start. The recent visit of Indonesia’s Defence Minister, Lieutenant General (Retd.) Sjafrie Sjamsoeddin, to Pakistan stands as a testament to these efforts.

The reaffirmation of both parties’ commitment to enhancing defence cooperation, particularly in the production of the JF-17 Thunder fighter jet, alongside efforts to explore economic opportunities and strengthen cultural ties, signals a deepening of bilateral relations. During his meeting with the Chief of Army Staff, Field Marshal Asim Munir, at General Headquarters, the Indonesian Defence Minister praised Pakistan’s role in combating terrorism and reiterated Jakarta’s support; a symbolic gesture. As Prime Minister Shehbaz Sharif have already met Indonesian President Prabowo Subianto at the G-8 Summit in Cairo, diplomatic ties between the two nations appear to be growing stronger.

As Lieutenant General (Retd.) Chandra Warsenanto Sukotjo takes on his role as Indonesia’s Ambassador to Pakistan, he steps into a legacy of longstanding diplomatic, economic, and strategic ties between the two nations. His predecessors; Ambassadors Adam Mulawarman Tugio and Iwan Amri, built a solid foundation through active trade diplomacy, cultural exchange, and defence cooperation. However, in the face of shifting geopolitical dynamics and emerging economic challenges, Ambassador Chandra will need to adopt a comprehensive, multifaceted approach to further strengthen and expand this important relationship.

Indonesia and Pakistan, home to the world’s largest and second-largest Muslim populations respectively, share historical bonds dating back to their independence struggles. Pakistan’s founder, Muhammad Ali Jinnah, supported Indonesia’s fight against Dutch colonialism by sending soldiers, while Indonesia reciprocated during the 1965 Indo-Pak war by deploying submarines to Karachi.

Ambassador Chandra has an opportunity to build on this historical context and take the relationship further. So, what should be his focus? One key area is the economic front. Currently, trade between the two countries is heavily imbalanced. Pakistan imports nearly $4 billion worth of goods from Indonesia, while its exports amount to only around $5 million. Addressing this gap by promoting Pakistani exports, such as IT services and halal meat, through targeted trade fairs would be a constructive step. Although palm oil exchange for textiles or Pakistani kinoos dominates current trade, there is a pressing need for sectoral diversification. Potential avenues include fostering collaboration in electric vehicle (EV) manufacturing, where Indonesia’s rich nickel reserves can be leveraged, and strengthening ties in the pharmaceutical sector, where Pakistan holds considerable expertise.

Second front is defence. Indonesia has already shown interest in joint production of JF-17 thunder fighter jet; it should materialize into tangible agreements. The counterterrorism drills can be expanded to combat regional militancy.

Another crucial front is cultural diplomacy; often referred to as soft power. Indonesia already offers approximately 200 scholarships annually to Pakistani students, a commendable initiative that can be further expanded. Mr. Ahsan Iqbal’s proposal to introduce joint scholarships in IT and healthcare could significantly enhance educational ties between the two nations.Additionally, the long-standing aspiration to establish direct flights between Pakistan and Indonesia remains unfulfilled. While feasibility concerns exist, proactive efforts to explore and realize this connection should remain on the agenda.

As people-to-people ties are instrumental in strengthening bilateral relations.This area holds vast untapped potential. Over 64% of Pakistan’s population is under the age of 30, therefore engaging with youth is vital. A well-planned outreach to student communities through seminars and other activities can help build a strong image of Indonesia; highlighting its status as an emerging economic power, its strategic role in regional and global politics, and its rich cultural and geographical diversity.

Moreover, Indonesia’s Ministry of Tourism’s Famtrip initiative is a commendable effort to promote cultural exchange. With slight refinement and better targeting, it can achieve a far greater impact and strengthen mutual understanding between the two countries.

In the regional context, both Indonesia and Pakistan are key players. As Southeast Asia’s largest economy, Indonesia can play a vital role in supporting Pakistan’s integration with ASEAN; potentially advancing its bid for Full Dialogue Partner status. Both countries also face common security challenges, particularly from extremism, making cooperation in intelligence-sharing and counter-radicalization efforts essential. On the global stage, their shared membership in the OIC and Developing-8 highlights a united front in advocating for Muslim-majority nations, especially on critical issues such as Palestine and Islamophobia. Looking ahead, there is hope that Ambassador Chandra will help institutionalize high-level engagements by accelerating the long-awaited visit of President Prabowo to Pakistan, which has been pending since January 2025.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Ambassador Chandra faces several challenges. Bureaucratic inertia often slows progress. Fast-tracking pending agreements, such as the Trade in Goods deal, will require persistent diplomatic effort. There is also a notable perception gap. Many young Pakistanis, including even those born in the 1980s, have limited awareness of Indonesia’s rich culture and global significance. This calls for targeted efforts to break stereotypes through media collaborations, cultural exchanges, and youth engagement programs. Geopolitical complexities add another layer. Balancing relations with both Pakistan and India, managing ties with China and its allies, while maintaining strong connections with the West, is no small feat. In this context, consistent advocacy for a multipolar Asia and a multipolar world becomes not just relevant but essential.

Ambassador Chandra’s unique blend of military and diplomatic expertise positions him well to elevate Indonesia–Pakistan relations into a strategic partnership fit for the 21st century. By building on the legacy of his predecessors and confronting today’s challenges head-on, he can help make this relationship a pillar of Asian solidarity, connecting ASEAN with South Asia and strengthening the collective voice of the Global South. The time for incremental steps has passed; what is needed now is bold, forward-looking diplomacy.